Once In A Lifetime
by jlenares
Summary: At that moment, I couldn't do anything but stare at her face. She isn't that far from me so I could clearly see the tiny smiles she made as she sketched. It seems as if that at one glance, she got me all intrigued, attracted. Love at first sight? AU!Clexa
Music. It's my life.

I don't think I could ever live without music. It's the only thing that gives color to my life. Every chord that I strum on my guitar, every beat of my drumpad, every sound that comes out of my mouth that gives life to the words I write on my paper that slowly form into a song...

That's how I think; almost like I am writing a song. Being poetic.

"Lexa! Good news!" Anya yelled as I exited my room and walked into the kitchen. "You got into the preliminary round!"

She's holding up a paper that I'm sure had came from the music school that I applied on for a college scholarship. I took the said paper from her to find out whether she's telling the truth or maybe my step sister's just fucking with me.

I looked over it and started reading its contents. She was right. I got into the preliminary stage and there's only one thing to do for me to pass it: write a song.

"You only have one shot at this, Lexa. Don't waste it."

I only have three days left to finish the song I gotta submit, but until now, I only succeeded in making my notebook thinner and thinner as I rip its pages out everytime I get a songwriter's block, which has been happening a lot lately.

I can't think straight. I can't even complete a single stanza. I can't even hear its tune yet in my mind.

If you ask me now, there's only one note that's echoing in my brain. One low and deep note. No excitement. Lifeless. One dead music.

I leaned heavily against the chair I had been sitting on for hours.I looked up and stared at the ceiling that had been a silent witness of my once happy life, back to the days when Costia and I were still dating.

If you compare my life with Costia to a song, it's gonna be a pop one, a song that can make us dance everytime our hands join. A song that can make you smile, giving life and hope deep within our hearts.

That's how happy we were before she had to go across the country to fulfill her dreams of becoming a theater actress. And the last thing she said to me before driving away from her garage is "Sometimes, you have to leave to find the things that you have been looking for."

She was right. I have to leave so I'll find what I've been yearning for. With that, I changed into more decent clothes, took my notebook and pen off my table, and went out of our house.

It's been a year since Costia had left. It's also been a year of me walking alone to the park near our home. One year since I had held her hand for the last time as we walk towards our favorite restaurant just outside the village we both lived in.

I sat on one of the vacant tables outside the said restaurant and tried to start writing on my notebook. I looked around, at the people walking, at the cloud-littered skies, to the kids playing on the swings in the park right across me, at _anything_ that can give me the first word of the song that can change my life.

Thirty minutes and still, I can't think of anything. Nothing good ever came into my mind and I am this close to giving up. I put down my pain and closed my eyes, clasping my hands together and prayed that I may find the reason to write again. That I may finally find the inspiration to actually start writing the damn song.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing that I saw was a blonde who had just sat on the bench on the other side of the street. She was holding a sketchpad and after a few moments, she opened it and started drawing.

At that moment, I couldn't do anything but _stare_ at her face. She isn't that far from me so I could clearly see the tiny smiles she made as she sketched. It seems as if that at one glance, she got me all intrigued, attracted. Love at first sight?

Despite the absurdity of the idea thought that had just come in my mind, I smiled. I picked up the pen again and started writing. Words were flooding in my mind, racing against each other for me to write.

 _A summer rain's passing over_

 _And it feels like a dream_

 _I could run and look for shelter_

 _But you hold on to me_

 _I'm under your skies_

 _I'm caught in your eyes_

I couldn't stop writing. Words were flowing out of my head and into my notebook. I really got inspired by the beautiful girl on the bench. And when I looked back up to her, I can already hear my song's tune.

 _Don't you know you stop the room?_

 _And all that I can see is you_

 _I'm standing where the lightning strikes_

 _I know this doesn't happen twice_

I clenched my jaw as I struggled to write the perfect line to end the chorus. To be fair, it was the first challenge that I've encountered ever since I started writing minutes ago. As if on autopilot, I looked up to my inspiration but she was just closing her sketchpad and a moment later, she left. I sighed, scratching the back of my head as I decided to follow suit and go home. But before standing up, I scribbled the final line of my chorus with a smile.

 _You must be my once in a lifetime_

What happened earlier was something that I've never felt before. Maybe, until this day. It felt like my world has always been dark before, that the only songs that I could write are about pain and sadness. Maybe it was because of what I had to go through before but now, it's a different story. When I saw the girl in the park, I was reminded of how good hope feels like.

The next day, I went back to the restaurant and just like the day before, I sat on one of the vacant seats outside, hoping that the girl would return.

I wasn't wrong.

She was there again, sitting on the same spot just like yesterday. She still has her book with her and after a few seconds, she started reading.

I took my notebook and pen out of my bag and continued writing my song. I needed to finish it soon since the deadline was in two days and I still had to record it.

 _There's so much that I have told you_

 _But it's all in my head_

 _Ask me anything you want to_

 _'Cause the answer is yes_

 _I'll spend my whole life_

 _Just being caught up in your eyes_

Yes, I am holding on to something that's unsure. Maybe unconsciously, I was hoping that my heart could still play its music. There's no reassurance that I'll ever get to know her. How would I know if someone already owns her heart? How would I know if she could like me back? How would I know if the song of my life could match the music of her heart?

I was scared. I didn't want to assume things. Maybe I was just looking after myself too much but I can't let myself feel this much for a stranger. I don't want rejection. I don't want to feel the pain of being left behind again.

I stood up and decided to go home. _Prevention is better than cure._

The deadline's on the next day. My song's almost done and I already have an idea on how it would sound like but... it still feels off. I was lying down on my bed and thinking hard. Not about my song but about the girl. I just can't stop thinking about her face. Her smile. Her existence. The way she made me feel in those mere minutes that my eyes were on her.

"Lex, how's your song?" Anya asked. I didn't notice her standing by my doorway, looking at me as I was thinking about the song (and the girl) with my eyes closed.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. "I've already written most of the lyrics but the tune's still... I don't know. It's boring. It's freakin' lifeless."

Surprisingly, Anya laughed before entering my room fully and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"You know, Lex, you don't have to hold back. Sometimes, we learn the most from things that seems unsure. Just when we think that there's nothing left, we'll see something out of the corner of our eyes. It has always been there; we just didn't see it clearly the first time," she said as she reached for my guitar, making me look at it. "Play from the heart. Be brave, Lexa."

Because of Anya's words, my confidence made a comeback. She was right, I realized. I need to be brave. Life's too short to assume things. I may be unsure, but it's gonna be worth a try. I finished the lyrics and started matching the tune on it. I thought of the day that I met Costia. Our happiness when we got together. The joy we shared when we were still together. And then, my mind shifted to the girl in the park. The one who brought the music back to my heart. The person who became my inspiration. The girl who made me believe that I am still capable of feeling and of falling.

I finally finished the song at dawn. It was hard to sing but it's harder to write a song. But as they say, if you love what you're doing, you'll barely feel any difficulties. I love music. I love the people who inspires me to make music.

I woke up early to record my song. The song's due at 1 PM and I finished everything at 12 PM. I listened to the song again, feeling every word in it.

"Shit, that was great," Anya said as she listened through my earphones. "It's so full of love. Of... of feeling. It makes me feel things, Lex. I feel like I'm gonna fall in love soon. Who's the inspiration?"

I gave her a smile.

She spoke again, "Is it Costia?"

I was shocked, shaking my head before replying. "No, Anya. I've moved on."

"So who are you talking about in this song?"

I looked at her and gave her another small smile. "The girl in the park."

The next day, I went back to the park, my hand clutching a printed copy of my lyrics with a small note at the back of it. I swallowed as I saw her hunched over her sketchpad, nibbling my bottom lip as I started walking towards her.

 _I went out to look for an inspiration, and when I saw you, I didn't want to come home anymore. Because of you, I managed to write this song. You're the one who gave me hope. If it's not too much to ask, I want you to listen to me sing this song tomorrow at 7 PM in the restaurant across the park._

 _\- Lexa Woods_

Next thing I knew, I was already standing right in front of her. _This is it,_ I thought. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and for a moment, I forgot why I was standing there. Confusion was evident on her face but I could only focus on how beautiful she was upclose. It made me nervous; _she_ made me nervous and all I could do to calm my racing heart was to bite my bottom lip. Unfortunately, nerves got the best of me and so, I placed the folded paper on the vacant space beside her and walked away without looking back.

I hope she reads it.

The next day, I was woken up with a good news and a tight congratulatory hug from Anya. I got the scholarship grant and the letter sitting on my study table only made it all official. I was overjoyed, and my mind automatically went to the thought of me on my first day of class being all excited and giddy. Before I got too engrossed with my thoughts, my mind focused on the girl in the park. I now have a bigger reason to see her and to thank her personally. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have this scholarship. I owe her a lot, and the least I could do is to sing to her. If she shows up.

The hours passed by, bringing me closer to 7 PM, the night when I'll try to hold on my feelings and express them. Tonight's the night when I'll try to get to know the girl and tell her how grateful I am to her and maybe, if my nerves allow me to, tell her how much I admired her.

I breathed in deeply and slowly let it go as my eyes fell on the stage inside the restaurant. It was a Friday night, and this restaurant hosts a karaoke night during this day. I have been sitting on one of the tabled for the last 30 minutes, nervously looking around for the blonde in the semi-crowded place. I sighed as I didn't see her familiar face even until the clock struck 7. I let a few minutes pass by, still hoping that the girl will show up but when the guy singing one of Justin Bieber's songs finished with an exaggerated bow, I knew that I needed to come up on stage already and sing. I feel my hope slowly slipping away as I walked towards the stage. I don't think she's coming; hell, I don't think she even read the lyrics and my letter. Or worse, maybe I scared her with what I did. Who in their right mind would agree to meet a stranger anyway?

Once I was set, I let out another breath and started strumming the intro, starting the song despite the girl's absence.

 _A summer rain's passing over_

 _And it feels like a dream_

 _I could run and look for shelter_

 _But you hold on to me_

 _I'm under your skies_

 _I'm caught in your eyes_

Just when I was about to sing the chorus, the door of the restaurant opened and in came the girl that I had been waiting for. She smiled as she saw me onstage, nodding at me slightly as I tried to keep the butterflies in my stomach calm. At least for now.

She sat on the chair that I vacated earlier, her eyes still on me and a small smile still curved on her face. She seemed to be listening to me, taking in the song that was written because of her. I gave her a smile. I now have hope. I can now finally meet her.

 _Don't you know you stop the room_

 _And all that I can see is you_

 _I'm standing where the lightning strikes_

 _I know this doesn't happen twice_

 _You must be my once in a lifetime, in a lifetime_

 _You must be my once in a lifetime_

I kept my eyes on her as I continued with my song, smiling at her during the little breaks in between the lines. The chords shifted as I entered the bridge, inhaling gently before I sang.

 _So before the storm has passed_

 _I just want to ask_

 _Can we make this moment last?_

 _So before the storm has passed_

 _I just want to ask_

 _Can we make this moment last?_

I sang the chorus once again and finally, I finished the song and let the last chord ring. I heard the loud applause and cheer from the audience but my eyes were still on the girl who had joined the audience in clapping. I walked down the stage without feeling any nervousness. I felt more and more excited as I approached her. When I was close enough, she stood up to meet me halfway.

I smiled before asking her, "Did you like it?"

Instead of answering me, she handed a folded piece of paper. My smile faltered a bit in confusion but nonetheless, I opened it and read it. As I read its contents, she raised her hands in front of her and started moving them, letting her hands talk for her.

 _I can't hear the song because I'm deaf. I can't say "thank you" because I wasn't given the ability to speak. But one thing's for sure: your song made me feel more things compared to anything and anyone that had tried. Not even sketching has made me feel this at ease, this content. I felt what you wanted me to feel. My heart heard the music that you made for me. And for that, I wholeheartedly thank you._

 _\- Clarke Griffin_


End file.
